Advent Calendar with Crazy Cute Kids

 We continue our photo advent pics for the parents with week 3:

Day 10:

15 days till Christmas & time to pick our tree. That means 17 euro tiny trees at a hardware store.

Observations for the Kita, part cuatro

Once again, it is time for Observations from the Kita and Ian is home being lazy. This time it is because the school is giving him time off, but same difference.  Lazy.

This week Ian and the kids visited another playground so Big News! for the Kita. In case you haven't seen the vast majority of European playgrounds- they are crazy dangerous. Huge metal disks they are supposed to run on, unsecured bridges, and giant ridged gerbil wheels. They are nuts! I appreciate the German sense of personal responsibility and worry maybe we have fallen into the trappings of nervous nelly parents that grips so many American parents- but c'mon! The 2 year old trampolining into the metal siding is a bit much.

Back to Ian's kids:

• At the new playground, Ian "helped" the kids use the spinning wheel of Death. He would help them  onto the wheel and spin them until they got off and fell over. Bad teacher!
• A huge slide scared the oldest kid so Ian went down the kiddie slide with him.
• Levy has been taught to give the fist bump
• Ian was playing soccer with the kids and hit one of the other teachers on the arm. She was not amused.
• Darius & Joshua use Ian as muscle. They take him over to a kid using a toy they want & tell him to get it for them. Especially the tractor, everyone wants the tractor
• Ian has come to realize the swings are like a bar. If no one is at the swing - no one wants to swing. But if they are full, everyone wants to swing. 
• Toby rules the sandbox. As the resident collector, he will gather all the shovels and cry if anyone takes one.
• Most the kids are still mid-potty training. Taking some boys into the bathroom they dropped their pants a good 10 ft to building
• Playing a game with an afternoon class, one little girl had trouble with the words "little fish" and changed them to "dick fish". Teach that English Ian!
• In this same game, little Andre is desperate to be caught & be a big fish. This is a problem because no one wants to catch him.

Observations from the Kita - Drei

A little light on news from the Kita this week cuz Ian took 2 1/2 days off. Hmph. Partially this is due to the doc system in Germany where if you go in with a sniffle it is automatically 3 days off. Glorious if you have paid sick leave. If you don't, like Ian, not such a happy wife. And you know what makes a happy life? Happy wife. Keep it in mind Ian.

Anyhoo, the chilins did manage to entertain in the little bit that he saw of them this week.

Mila has forgiven Ian for being big & scary in light of his bringing in the bunny. We'll see how long that lasts...

Ian asked Darius if he remembered the bunny coming in.
"YES!
What color was it?
WHITE!
Who brought the bunny?
Ian's mutter!"
Awesome. I am ancient to a 3-year-old.

Ian wakes up one of his afternoon class's naptime by opening the windows and crowing "Cock-a-doodle-do"! A new kid wasn't so sure about the Kita, but was sure about Ian after that performance. He wrapped his hands around Ian's neck and hugged him.

Lazy Ian

Stories from last week, and the visit from the the bunny - Herr Schmidt.
Until next week's Observations from the Kita...

Observations from the Kita, Part Duex

Ian has so many funny stories from the Kita, I thought it might be a nice recurring post. I started recording what he says about the class throughout the week to get the best of the best of the craziness.

Actually- let me first take a step back and explain more thoroughly what Ian does. He has talked about his work ever once in a while here, here, here, and here, but I still had no real concept of his job until I got to visit him a few times. He has 2 different teaching positions:

• As an English teacher that has 50 min classes in which he has a set curriculum. His classes are pretty young at 4 to 6 years old. he only has a few afternoon classes
• As a English teacher assisting Erzieherin (nursery teachers) at a Kita. This is basically taking care of children at a daycare, taking them outside, feeding them, brushing teeth, and singing songs. (Ask Ian "How to sing a Rainbow" - he loves that one). This is where he spends most of his day, with the same group of 3-year olds. He has become quite fond of them and they are where most of the stories come from.

Observations from the Kita

Ian recently returned to school...not for himself, but to teach (lord help those kids). Everyday, he comes home with hilarious stories from the Kita.

The class has started visiting each of the kid's houses. I don't know why you would want 18 2-3 year olds and their teachers in your house, but apparently it has been nice. On the latest visit, they visited a regenbogenfamilie (I can't get enough of that term- "rainbow family"). An unusual feature of the house is that they had a small pond within their deck, just begging for a kid to fall in. One of Ian's favorites, a somewhat tubby boy named Toby, obliged.

Ian has started napping with the children. They strip down to their undies and lay down for a nap several times a day, and Ian is able to catch some Zzzzs with them. However, they aren't always such good little sleepers. Ian's size & hairiness has proved alarming for children unfamiliar with him and he has startled a few kids trying to sleep. There is also the inevitable acrobatics instead of sleep, and already one who peed her pants... and then reached for Ian to pick her up. Ewww.

It's not just the kids who give Ian great stories. The head teacher of his class has really been a great supporter of Ian in the school, but her antics can make for ridiculous stories. She's a fan of the adult romper (for men- see picture), which is a tough look to pull off, especially for a plump middle-aged women crawling around on the floor with the kids. This week, she's been sick, which has made lunch a little less appetizing. Not exactly fussy themselves, the kids don't mind when she serves fish by picking it up with her hands before tearing it apart and throwing it in a bowl. Ian does. Ian's hungry.


Some stories, however, are heart-warming. Darius came over to Ian today and told him

"I love you so much Ian!"

Cue ovaries.

Greg Porter Everbody!

Greg came, he saw, he conquered, and sadly- he's now left. It was an amazing two weeks of 3 countries, 7 cities, many meals, and incredible sights.

We certainty got on his nerves a bit, and he got on ours every once in a while, but everyone was on their best behavior and it was a joy to have him here (although I may seriously strangle the next person who wants to go shopping). He easily amused all of our friends as I uneasily tried to remember if there were many actually embarrassing stories we had told about him(ask about the watermelon story). Luckily, just laughs were had as he told ridiculous jokes, made inappropriate gestures, and described for me what "tender vitals" referred to (ewww!). It has been 8 months since we saw our friends & family. Damn that's a long time! C'mon over folks - the water's fine.

Along with the post and pics of Copenhagen, here are some pics of Greg in Berlin.

After a beautiful spring & start to summer, the weather was awful the whole time he was here. Luckily, Berlin thrives in gloom.

Greg & I visited Ian and his class and the boys were all over both of them.

Greg gets to know Darius who speaks with a British accent. "Do it again! Upside down!"

The great, the only- Hühnerhaus,

Templehof Park - the former airfield is perfect for jump shots

 

We went old person and did the boat cruise. It was awesome.

When he got on the plane (another close call, although not nearly as tight as the flight to Italy), he teared up, immediately causing us to cry. We watched him enter the security gates with his bags of goodies, and thought of the long gap in time between seeing those you love as an expat. The pay-off of European living, loving, eating, and drinking is worth it...but it's close. 

Complete album of Greg in Berlin.

Update:  Greg had a horrific flight home, but is finally there safely.

"I just got home. The flight from Amsterdam was late, so I ended up missing my flight as did most of the people on our plane, and every other plane that came in on that day.  There was crazy rain and bad wind and it ended up closing the airport.  KLM was awful.  I was in line for over14 hours trying to get a ticket. Ended up spending the night in the airport and not getting out until 10:00 on Friday.  Had to fly to Portland, then Seattle and andy and granny picked me up.  Yikes....what an ordeal!"

Lesson learned - never leave Europe.

Berlin Ian - Professional Educator

Ian had a photo shoot at the kita a while back to have him put into the list of educators at his school. Thinking this was low-key, he showed up in his usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt (luckily this time not depicting any guns, nudity, or general violence). It was actually a professional shoot and this is his picture on the site:

Not bad! Made ole' ugo look not child-molestery. Just kidding. Ian really is a great teacher and he actually had the most returning students of any teacher last time he taught. He talks about them all the time and I feel like I've gotten to know them too. Especially little Alec.

Meet his other teacher's here, the rest of the "pebbles" group, and get inspired by Ian's quote:

"Learning is fun!"

For more dispatches from the kita: http://ianandebe.blogspot.de/search/label/kita

We're gonna party likes it's Kindergarten

If you were to walk around Berlin, you would have no idea it's Fasching (Carnival, or Mardi Gras in American speak). However, all across the city tiny children are celebrating with copious amounts of sugar and horrible costumes. They may not celebrate Halloween, but dammit, they sure know how to sell a superman mask.

Ian's Morning class of 2-3 year olds.

I got a great idea for breakfast. Candy!

Toby: Where are my tools you ask? Darius and Alec raided the tool belt and are throwing them around the playpen.

John says "Thanks for the saw Toby". Note the dream catcher sewed to his costume. I have a dream...never to see a dream catcher again. You hear that German truck drivers?

Idi: Ian told me this little girl reminded him of me because of her unusual dress and "quick wits". You are a bad person Ian.















"Say cheese Julia! Oh Marlene- get out of the picture."

How I see the children- I am the all powerful IAN!

Alec and Darius enjoy the booty of Toby's tool belt. I would later help them bury the treasure in the sand box.

Darius "Ladies, care to step into my play pen?"

No Levi, I think it is great to use your hat like a wheelbarrow. Just watch out for the other children.

Toby says cheese! A three-year-old's idea of a smile

Now if you kids don't mind just cleaning up those mats I'd really appreciate it...








Ian teaches the fine art of the fist pump

Turnhalle - Day at the Gym

Thursday is the day Ian takes the kids to the gym, or turnhalle. Hilarity ensues.

"There is a game where one little kid gets a tail.
How do you attach it? Do you velcro it or something?
No- just stick it down their pants.
What?!
Well, they are wearing tights and...anyways. Doesn't matter. The kids aren't too bright, they are supposed to catch the fox, so the 'fox' runs in a circle and they all chase him. I'm like 'Just cut him off! Work your angles!'

So little dumb Mina is the fox. Saphire, our little Canadian princess, starts running straight for her. Mina ran smack dab into Saphi in a hit that would have made the NFL highlight reel. Mina laughed and Saphi just looked at us sucking wind. 'Whew!' Whew!' In the meantime, Darius saw a kid standing by himself and decided it was the perfect time to push him down. 'How does that hardwood taste?"

This is a Thursday in Ian world.

Alec likes destruction...

There is a toddler in Ian's early morning class. He sees him every day. His name is Alec. At least one English parent, Alec's English language skills are pretty good. And....Alec is evil. Only an evil genius would refer to himself in the third person.

"Good morning children, how are you?"
"Alec has apocalyptic rage!"

Kindergarten: AGAIN?!?!?

Well boys and girls, it was my first day back to school, and it was damn near a snow day!  I awoke this morning to nice dusting of snow and a pleasant amount of flakes in the air.  The snow really brings out the beauty of Berlin.

In any case I met up with Geraldine, who would be showing me the ropes, at the school while freezing my marbles off.  If everything goes according to plan, I'll be heading to this Kita (which as children ranging from 2-6) every weekday from 9-12.  It's actually quite a sweet gig.  I will be working with about two German Erziehern (teachers of little kids), which makes things much easier should I have any little bastards in my class, which is sure to happen being in Germany.

We started off the day singing some songs, both in German and English.  We then taught them Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer (not about Rudolf Barbie you history buffs) and then Geraldine took me on a quick tour of the Kita.  There are about 4 other classes in this particular building, each one with its own English teacher.

After some coloring, it was time to head outside and play in the snow.  Now, when I was a kid I remember playing in the snow with soaking wet pants, chilly shoes, and no hat or scarf.  These kids were decked out to the core, snow pants and all.  And guess who had to help them put all that shiz on?  Me.  I pretty much helped dress these kids head to toe, but the thing I noticed that needed the most help were the gloves.  One kid kept balling up his fists when trying to put his gloves on.  If the glove don't fit you must acquit...

Finally they were all dressed and we made our way down the treacherous stairs, but not before I noticed little Achmed walking around with a look of disbelief on his face as he held up his had, glove all twisted and turned.  A simple readjustment got him back to normal and out into the snow.

It was fun watching this little kids waddle around in the snow.  Something tells me I'm gonna be doing this a bit more often in the following months...

Come here please...

So after more than six months of teaching English to German "Kinder" around Berlin, the time has finally come for me to put up my ruler and finish my apple. One of the many highlights I had teaching is the one that follows...

For some reason every Thursday morning I am blessed with exceptionally bad gas. Unfortunately for the school (daycare) I teach at Thursday mornings, is that it is quite small. Being the bastard that I am, I've experimented with the children and my gas before, but never before with such great success.

Upon releasing an exceptionally nasty fart one morning, I told the children (who are about 3 years old!) to "come here please." So all these little kids, whose heads are about equal to my ass, come over nice and close to me. After a second or two little Marius says, "Jemand hat gepupst!" (someone farted!) Marius then accuses me (rightly so) of being the offender. I'm not about to admit to farting and forcing these kids to smell my fart, so I tell Marius that he's crazy for thinking I would do that, and then say, "weisst du Marius, ich denke dass du gepupst hast!" (you know Marius, I think you are the one that farted!)

In the meantime all the other children have their t-shirts and sweatshirts around their mouths, as if trying to avoid a chemical attack from Saddam while vacationing in Kurdish Iraq. Oh boy, I'll never forget little Van Phi's eyes watering from such a beautiful picture... I mean stinky fart.