Observations for the Kita, part cuatro

Once again, it is time for Observations from the Kita and Ian is home being lazy. This time it is because the school is giving him time off, but same difference.  Lazy.

This week Ian and the kids visited another playground so Big News! for the Kita. In case you haven't seen the vast majority of European playgrounds- they are crazy dangerous. Huge metal disks they are supposed to run on, unsecured bridges, and giant ridged gerbil wheels. They are nuts! I appreciate the German sense of personal responsibility and worry maybe we have fallen into the trappings of nervous nelly parents that grips so many American parents- but c'mon! The 2 year old trampolining into the metal siding is a bit much.

Back to Ian's kids:

• At the new playground, Ian "helped" the kids use the spinning wheel of Death. He would help them  onto the wheel and spin them until they got off and fell over. Bad teacher!
• A huge slide scared the oldest kid so Ian went down the kiddie slide with him.
• Levy has been taught to give the fist bump
• Ian was playing soccer with the kids and hit one of the other teachers on the arm. She was not amused.
• Darius & Joshua use Ian as muscle. They take him over to a kid using a toy they want & tell him to get it for them. Especially the tractor, everyone wants the tractor
• Ian has come to realize the swings are like a bar. If no one is at the swing - no one wants to swing. But if they are full, everyone wants to swing. 
• Toby rules the sandbox. As the resident collector, he will gather all the shovels and cry if anyone takes one.
• Most the kids are still mid-potty training. Taking some boys into the bathroom they dropped their pants a good 10 ft to building
• Playing a game with an afternoon class, one little girl had trouble with the words "little fish" and changed them to "dick fish". Teach that English Ian!
• In this same game, little Andre is desperate to be caught & be a big fish. This is a problem because no one wants to catch him.

Observations from the Kita - Drei

A little light on news from the Kita this week cuz Ian took 2 1/2 days off. Hmph. Partially this is due to the doc system in Germany where if you go in with a sniffle it is automatically 3 days off. Glorious if you have paid sick leave. If you don't, like Ian, not such a happy wife. And you know what makes a happy life? Happy wife. Keep it in mind Ian.

Anyhoo, the chilins did manage to entertain in the little bit that he saw of them this week.

Mila has forgiven Ian for being big & scary in light of his bringing in the bunny. We'll see how long that lasts...

Ian asked Darius if he remembered the bunny coming in.
"YES!
What color was it?
WHITE!
Who brought the bunny?
Ian's mutter!"
Awesome. I am ancient to a 3-year-old.

Ian wakes up one of his afternoon class's naptime by opening the windows and crowing "Cock-a-doodle-do"! A new kid wasn't so sure about the Kita, but was sure about Ian after that performance. He wrapped his hands around Ian's neck and hugged him.

Lazy Ian

Stories from last week, and the visit from the the bunny - Herr Schmidt.
Until next week's Observations from the Kita...

Observations from the Kita, Part Duex

Ian has so many funny stories from the Kita, I thought it might be a nice recurring post. I started recording what he says about the class throughout the week to get the best of the best of the craziness.

Actually- let me first take a step back and explain more thoroughly what Ian does. He has talked about his work ever once in a while here, here, here, and here, but I still had no real concept of his job until I got to visit him a few times. He has 2 different teaching positions:

• As an English teacher that has 50 min classes in which he has a set curriculum. His classes are pretty young at 4 to 6 years old. he only has a few afternoon classes
• As a English teacher assisting Erzieherin (nursery teachers) at a Kita. This is basically taking care of children at a daycare, taking them outside, feeding them, brushing teeth, and singing songs. (Ask Ian "How to sing a Rainbow" - he loves that one). This is where he spends most of his day, with the same group of 3-year olds. He has become quite fond of them and they are where most of the stories come from.

Observations from the Kita

Ian recently returned to school...not for himself, but to teach (lord help those kids). Everyday, he comes home with hilarious stories from the Kita.

The class has started visiting each of the kid's houses. I don't know why you would want 18 2-3 year olds and their teachers in your house, but apparently it has been nice. On the latest visit, they visited a regenbogenfamilie (I can't get enough of that term- "rainbow family"). An unusual feature of the house is that they had a small pond within their deck, just begging for a kid to fall in. One of Ian's favorites, a somewhat tubby boy named Toby, obliged.

Ian has started napping with the children. They strip down to their undies and lay down for a nap several times a day, and Ian is able to catch some Zzzzs with them. However, they aren't always such good little sleepers. Ian's size & hairiness has proved alarming for children unfamiliar with him and he has startled a few kids trying to sleep. There is also the inevitable acrobatics instead of sleep, and already one who peed her pants... and then reached for Ian to pick her up. Ewww.

It's not just the kids who give Ian great stories. The head teacher of his class has really been a great supporter of Ian in the school, but her antics can make for ridiculous stories. She's a fan of the adult romper (for men- see picture), which is a tough look to pull off, especially for a plump middle-aged women crawling around on the floor with the kids. This week, she's been sick, which has made lunch a little less appetizing. Not exactly fussy themselves, the kids don't mind when she serves fish by picking it up with her hands before tearing it apart and throwing it in a bowl. Ian does. Ian's hungry.


Some stories, however, are heart-warming. Darius came over to Ian today and told him

"I love you so much Ian!"

Cue ovaries.

The Men in My Life

Saturday was Herr Mann's birthday! I always stress about doing something he likes and making it as fun, unexpected, and untethered from the ordinary as possible. I'm lucky he is easy to please, but I want to do more than he could possibly imagine.

I surprised him with candies (yes he's a diabetic- don't judge me) and treats all week, including some "American Instant Hash Browns". They came with the flag on them and in a squeeze container where you just add water, shake, and squeeze into a hot pan. Sound gross, but -as expected- Ian is pretty excited about them.

On Friday, after Ian left for class, I leapt into action baking up a storm. I had been gleaning information about his school all week & somehow he hadn't noticed. I was going to break into his Kita & surprise him. I figured out the tram, made my way through the construction, found the school, remembered the door code and found his classroom. I was sweating as I tried to explain who I was, but was well rewarded by Ian's total shock at my appearance. He woke one of his favorites (Darius) up from his nap & I got to meet a bunch of the kids. So little! And Ian is amazing with them, picking them up and teasing them. I wish I had his ease around kids. Stay at home dad Ian?

A real Burrito!

We left the cookies for the kids and I took him to lunch at Dolores. A little bit of Mexican food makes Mr. Ian smile. Berlin was on it's best behavior as we wandered around Mitte, passing the Dom. We picked up some ice cream & enjoyed a beautiful Berlin.

Fernsehturm

Berliner Dom & Fernsehturm

Later that night, as the clock hit 12, I brought out my trump card. A friend & I had visited the Currywurst Museum last week & while it was overpriced for the tiny display, I found the gift among gifts. Ian eats at this mom & pop currywurst stand most days that he is at class. At the museum I found a personal currywurst fork & knife set, complete with toothpick. I had to have it, it was perfect. I presented it and Ian marveled at the German engineering, design, and sausage stabbing abilities. I can't wait to get a picture of him using it.

For his birthday, we decided to throw our version of Das Perfekte Dinner. A popular German TV show- I am completely addicted and iIt is one of the few things I really try to understand (gotta work on that). A couple of friends have tried their hand at it to great success, and we knew exactly what we wanted to do. MEXICAN.

Several epic shopping trips occurred and prep began the night before the party:

• Sangria marinating in fridge - check
• Popsicles freezing - check
• Cookies made & decorated - check
• Beans once fried - check

But on the day of, there was a lot left to do.We made:

• Spicy Salsa
• Guacamole
• Pico de Gallo
• Corn & Bean Salad
• Refried Beans (1st time from scratch!)
• Chile Rellenos
• Rum Sunrise Popsicles

Entree of Chile Relleno, refried beans, & corn/bean salad

Dinner Guests

Hardly authentic, but legitimately delicious.

The next morning it was as if locusts had descended with nary a nibble of food to be had. Proof it was good, right? And we were even left with some awesome presents from friends- not necessary, but much appreciated.

Birthday weekend continued onto a Sunday in which we pretty much only left TV watching in bed to make nachos. I think that was the most I've slept in years. As I am usually the one making Ian get-up, it was my final gift to him to let him have a lazy, sleep in day.

All in all- smashing success! Laughs were had, friends were fed & entertained, drinks were drunk, and loads of food were consumed. You've got 5 months Porter to get my Bday right. You better bring it.

(For more pictures of June happiness: Happy days are Here Again)

AND not to be forgotten - FATHERS DAY. Big Love to my Daddio, Dave Ball. The man with a "thinking problem" (buy it for 1 cent- what a bargain), master garden grower, equine enthusiast, craftsman extraordinaire, cat wrangler, excellent walking-down-the aisle-er, golden funny bone, Cupcake Tower making maniac, crazy grandpa, awesome Father-in-Law, bad dog supporter, old timey goldminer, cookie baker, superior camper, Leslie Nelson admirer, gourmet omelet maker, and the Best Dang Tuttin' Dad that ever lived. I know some of you may disagree, but I know the truth.

As we rounded the corner he asked "Are you ready?" "YES!"

I asked Dad to make something simple to display the cupcakes. He made a scale model of the Tower Bridge where Ian proposed. I love my Dad.

It was surprise reveal of the cupcakes. I was a mess

Dad & His Daughters

Berlin Ian - Professional Educator

Ian had a photo shoot at the kita a while back to have him put into the list of educators at his school. Thinking this was low-key, he showed up in his usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt (luckily this time not depicting any guns, nudity, or general violence). It was actually a professional shoot and this is his picture on the site:

Not bad! Made ole' ugo look not child-molestery. Just kidding. Ian really is a great teacher and he actually had the most returning students of any teacher last time he taught. He talks about them all the time and I feel like I've gotten to know them too. Especially little Alec.

Meet his other teacher's here, the rest of the "pebbles" group, and get inspired by Ian's quote:

"Learning is fun!"

For more dispatches from the kita: http://ianandebe.blogspot.de/search/label/kita

We're gonna party likes it's Kindergarten

If you were to walk around Berlin, you would have no idea it's Fasching (Carnival, or Mardi Gras in American speak). However, all across the city tiny children are celebrating with copious amounts of sugar and horrible costumes. They may not celebrate Halloween, but dammit, they sure know how to sell a superman mask.

Ian's Morning class of 2-3 year olds.

I got a great idea for breakfast. Candy!

Toby: Where are my tools you ask? Darius and Alec raided the tool belt and are throwing them around the playpen.

John says "Thanks for the saw Toby". Note the dream catcher sewed to his costume. I have a dream...never to see a dream catcher again. You hear that German truck drivers?

Idi: Ian told me this little girl reminded him of me because of her unusual dress and "quick wits". You are a bad person Ian.















"Say cheese Julia! Oh Marlene- get out of the picture."

How I see the children- I am the all powerful IAN!

Alec and Darius enjoy the booty of Toby's tool belt. I would later help them bury the treasure in the sand box.

Darius "Ladies, care to step into my play pen?"

No Levi, I think it is great to use your hat like a wheelbarrow. Just watch out for the other children.

Toby says cheese! A three-year-old's idea of a smile

Now if you kids don't mind just cleaning up those mats I'd really appreciate it...








Ian teaches the fine art of the fist pump

Kids from Köln

Our relationship with Thomas is complicated. He is my parent's foreign exchange student from Köln Germany (known in English as Cologne), that arrived while we were still in Berlin, that is now back in Köln, as we are back in Berlin for the second time. So he's our foreign exchange student- kinda.

We saw his home & family as we rolled  through Köln in November and were excited to host him in Berlin. He wrote us two days before.
"Can I bring some friends?
Oh. Um...ok sure. The more the merrier!
Can they stay at your place?"
Teenagers.

Turnhalle - Day at the Gym

Thursday is the day Ian takes the kids to the gym, or turnhalle. Hilarity ensues.

"There is a game where one little kid gets a tail.
How do you attach it? Do you velcro it or something?
No- just stick it down their pants.
What?!
Well, they are wearing tights and...anyways. Doesn't matter. The kids aren't too bright, they are supposed to catch the fox, so the 'fox' runs in a circle and they all chase him. I'm like 'Just cut him off! Work your angles!'

So little dumb Mina is the fox. Saphire, our little Canadian princess, starts running straight for her. Mina ran smack dab into Saphi in a hit that would have made the NFL highlight reel. Mina laughed and Saphi just looked at us sucking wind. 'Whew!' Whew!' In the meantime, Darius saw a kid standing by himself and decided it was the perfect time to push him down. 'How does that hardwood taste?"

This is a Thursday in Ian world.

Alec likes destruction...

There is a toddler in Ian's early morning class. He sees him every day. His name is Alec. At least one English parent, Alec's English language skills are pretty good. And....Alec is evil. Only an evil genius would refer to himself in the third person.

"Good morning children, how are you?"
"Alec has apocalyptic rage!"

Kindergarten: AGAIN?!?!?

Well boys and girls, it was my first day back to school, and it was damn near a snow day!  I awoke this morning to nice dusting of snow and a pleasant amount of flakes in the air.  The snow really brings out the beauty of Berlin.

In any case I met up with Geraldine, who would be showing me the ropes, at the school while freezing my marbles off.  If everything goes according to plan, I'll be heading to this Kita (which as children ranging from 2-6) every weekday from 9-12.  It's actually quite a sweet gig.  I will be working with about two German Erziehern (teachers of little kids), which makes things much easier should I have any little bastards in my class, which is sure to happen being in Germany.

We started off the day singing some songs, both in German and English.  We then taught them Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer (not about Rudolf Barbie you history buffs) and then Geraldine took me on a quick tour of the Kita.  There are about 4 other classes in this particular building, each one with its own English teacher.

After some coloring, it was time to head outside and play in the snow.  Now, when I was a kid I remember playing in the snow with soaking wet pants, chilly shoes, and no hat or scarf.  These kids were decked out to the core, snow pants and all.  And guess who had to help them put all that shiz on?  Me.  I pretty much helped dress these kids head to toe, but the thing I noticed that needed the most help were the gloves.  One kid kept balling up his fists when trying to put his gloves on.  If the glove don't fit you must acquit...

Finally they were all dressed and we made our way down the treacherous stairs, but not before I noticed little Achmed walking around with a look of disbelief on his face as he held up his had, glove all twisted and turned.  A simple readjustment got him back to normal and out into the snow.

It was fun watching this little kids waddle around in the snow.  Something tells me I'm gonna be doing this a bit more often in the following months...

Cute Baby

Spending time in Venlo has been awesome- even as Tymen defiantly climbs over his mum to grab computer cords. Check out some serious cuteness with Tymen, Leann, & Ian.

To be a kid again....

This guy makes the magic happen with his camera & some ladders.

"By photographing from above and using the ground as a two-dimensional backdrop, Von Holleben creates a whimsical world where children fly through the air and perform unearthly feats. "Ladders are my second home!" he writes in an email, "Things just look so different from up there!"

Story from NPR

Come here please...

So after more than six months of teaching English to German "Kinder" around Berlin, the time has finally come for me to put up my ruler and finish my apple. One of the many highlights I had teaching is the one that follows...

For some reason every Thursday morning I am blessed with exceptionally bad gas. Unfortunately for the school (daycare) I teach at Thursday mornings, is that it is quite small. Being the bastard that I am, I've experimented with the children and my gas before, but never before with such great success.

Upon releasing an exceptionally nasty fart one morning, I told the children (who are about 3 years old!) to "come here please." So all these little kids, whose heads are about equal to my ass, come over nice and close to me. After a second or two little Marius says, "Jemand hat gepupst!" (someone farted!) Marius then accuses me (rightly so) of being the offender. I'm not about to admit to farting and forcing these kids to smell my fart, so I tell Marius that he's crazy for thinking I would do that, and then say, "weisst du Marius, ich denke dass du gepupst hast!" (you know Marius, I think you are the one that farted!)

In the meantime all the other children have their t-shirts and sweatshirts around their mouths, as if trying to avoid a chemical attack from Saddam while vacationing in Kurdish Iraq. Oh boy, I'll never forget little Van Phi's eyes watering from such a beautiful picture... I mean stinky fart.

Kids now-a-days...

There are times when I love my job, and then there are times when I utterly despise it... namely when I have a class with a little bastard named Justin. Every time my Thursday afternoon classes roll around, a shiver rolls through my spine. This shiver is reminding me of the cold heart of Satan's very own spawn: the very same Justin as mentioned above. From him running around the room, to throwing legos across it, there's really nothing I can do to keep him in control... unless of course, mention soccer. Soccer, and my growing disdain for it and the German's uni-lateral support of this "one and only" sport, almost shares my wrath I feel towards this child. I must, however, leave soccer to it's own blog topic. And here too I must turn my attention away from the negatives of teaching children (Justin) to the funny things I've experience, or else I have an attack thinking about what this Thursday brings...

I think the funniest thing about the kids here in Germany, is that pretty much everything they say is in German... naturally of course, seeing as we are in GERMANY! But I guess what I find funny about it is the way in which the kids put their sentences and the words they use. For instance our first experience with a funny child phrase was early in our trip, Munich I believe, where upon hearing he couldn't get a sweet, he responded to his mother, "Wahnsinn," or for the rest of the audience, "madness." I mean, what child would say such a thing back home? Maybe one to be destined to become either Frasier or Niles Crane.

The other day in one of my youngest classes, a girl kept repeating to me, "Nase laueft, Nase laueft, Nase laueft," which means "nose is running, nose is running, nose is running." I almost started laughing right in her face, but luckily I controlled myself and gave her one of my very economically cheap tissues (seriously, you can buy like 30 travel size packages for like 1.50 euros!), which she promptly threw onto the carpet after using it.

Right now I'm actually drawing a blank on further funny things said by German kids, but there are more, I promise. Something that I found funny and disturbing at the same time, and which keeps coming back to my mind, is the response I got from a boy named Mohammed (whose parents come from Egypt). After asking him if he or anyone in his family had ever been to the US, he said, "no and I'll never go. They'll kill me there." It really bothered me at the time, and it still does a little bit even now. I tried to explain to him that it's not like that at all, and that there are even more Egyptians and arabic peoples in the US than all of Germany. I don't know if he believed me, but something tells me his parents don't believe that, or else he wouldn't be taking English...

Kids Are Kings

Hate to break it all of you who were, like me, born & raised in the USA, but kids RULE in Europe. You know that awesome jungle gym you had at your house/park/school? Well theirs is bigger, badder, and a 100 times cooler. Walking through the park the other day there wasn't just one kick-ass wonderland but two! These are not your everyday jungle gyms either. They are usually made out of wood, tower overhead, and have a theme. The second one we came across had a Arabian nights theme with a ship complete with crow's nest, rock climbing walls (the things to pull yourself up were all themed too- lamps, camels), sand, an airplane to climb in, a full size genie carved out of wood, wooden palm trees, a ping pong table, a picnic area, a rope maze...Awesome.

Kids rule in other ways too. They are constantly running, often away from their parents, and nary a word of caution is ever called out. They also rove around in gangs of fiveish unaccompanied at the tender age of tenish. I guess the U-Bahn (Subway) is like their backyard. People seem to look at these little terrors careening by, often on bikes, and shrug as if "What can we do? They are just being kids."

The same for the noises they make. Ian and I have turned around a couple times sure that a terridactile is right behind us only to see a todler. They screech, and scream, and shout the most outher-wordly sounds. It's actually kinda freaky with Halloween coming around. The funniest was in the Supermarket, a little boy was trying to tear into a package of food they were going to buy and his mother told him to wait, they had to pay for it first. "WahnSinn!" he yelled. What 5-year-old even knows the word madness?

Speaking of creepiness....this poll will end early so we can post a new, Halloween related poll so get your votes in now. I'm surpirsed no votes for curry wurst- it is delicious. Much better choice then the one vote for hot dog (with real Hund)- that's dog y'all. Also- please keep sending us e-mails and/or letters. It is nice to hear about home and what's happening with all of you. We even finally have an address you could send letters, packages, money, etc. to (just joking about the money- but seriously). We live on:
Jablonskistrasse 10
c/o Anat Vaadia
10405 Berlin, Germany
It's wonderful to call somewhere home and put up some pictures. Hopefully we will hear from y'all soon.