Testing Out the U-Blau

What to do on a Saturday night? 

What to do?

What to do?

What to do?

What about a drinking tour of the U-Bahn? OK! Let's call this an art project so it doesn't sound so...alcoholic.

I am skeptical about how this day will go

April, April, der weiss nicht, was er will...

You know, considering all German months are masculine (der Dezember, der Januar, der Februar...), April sure is a bitch.  It's a common saying here in Germany (and Berlin in particular) that April has no idea what it wants.  One minute the sun is shining and you’re singing praises to the gods, and the next moment you're freezing your balls off.  Such was Ebe's and my experience just this past Saturday...

How to Pose for a Christmas Card Photo

...don't do what we do - seriously. Euphemistically you could say we're quirky, but realistically we're a little off. If you do not want to look mildly insane to your friends & family, do not make a photo advent calendar like this:

Day 3:

Ian had pnemonia. So a day in bed, sleeping & watching movies had us a little loopy.

Lebkuchen eyes!

Ian's Sick Again

Observations for the Kita, part cuatro

Once again, it is time for Observations from the Kita and Ian is home being lazy. This time it is because the school is giving him time off, but same difference.  Lazy.

This week Ian and the kids visited another playground so Big News! for the Kita. In case you haven't seen the vast majority of European playgrounds- they are crazy dangerous. Huge metal disks they are supposed to run on, unsecured bridges, and giant ridged gerbil wheels. They are nuts! I appreciate the German sense of personal responsibility and worry maybe we have fallen into the trappings of nervous nelly parents that grips so many American parents- but c'mon! The 2 year old trampolining into the metal siding is a bit much.

Back to Ian's kids:

• At the new playground, Ian "helped" the kids use the spinning wheel of Death. He would help them  onto the wheel and spin them until they got off and fell over. Bad teacher!
• A huge slide scared the oldest kid so Ian went down the kiddie slide with him.
• Levy has been taught to give the fist bump
• Ian was playing soccer with the kids and hit one of the other teachers on the arm. She was not amused.
• Darius & Joshua use Ian as muscle. They take him over to a kid using a toy they want & tell him to get it for them. Especially the tractor, everyone wants the tractor
• Ian has come to realize the swings are like a bar. If no one is at the swing - no one wants to swing. But if they are full, everyone wants to swing. 
• Toby rules the sandbox. As the resident collector, he will gather all the shovels and cry if anyone takes one.
• Most the kids are still mid-potty training. Taking some boys into the bathroom they dropped their pants a good 10 ft to building
• Playing a game with an afternoon class, one little girl had trouble with the words "little fish" and changed them to "dick fish". Teach that English Ian!
• In this same game, little Andre is desperate to be caught & be a big fish. This is a problem because no one wants to catch him.

Observations from the Kita, Part Duex

Ian has so many funny stories from the Kita, I thought it might be a nice recurring post. I started recording what he says about the class throughout the week to get the best of the best of the craziness.

Actually- let me first take a step back and explain more thoroughly what Ian does. He has talked about his work ever once in a while here, here, here, and here, but I still had no real concept of his job until I got to visit him a few times. He has 2 different teaching positions:

• As an English teacher that has 50 min classes in which he has a set curriculum. His classes are pretty young at 4 to 6 years old. he only has a few afternoon classes
• As a English teacher assisting Erzieherin (nursery teachers) at a Kita. This is basically taking care of children at a daycare, taking them outside, feeding them, brushing teeth, and singing songs. (Ask Ian "How to sing a Rainbow" - he loves that one). This is where he spends most of his day, with the same group of 3-year olds. He has become quite fond of them and they are where most of the stories come from.

Observations from the Kita

Ian recently returned to school...not for himself, but to teach (lord help those kids). Everyday, he comes home with hilarious stories from the Kita.

The class has started visiting each of the kid's houses. I don't know why you would want 18 2-3 year olds and their teachers in your house, but apparently it has been nice. On the latest visit, they visited a regenbogenfamilie (I can't get enough of that term- "rainbow family"). An unusual feature of the house is that they had a small pond within their deck, just begging for a kid to fall in. One of Ian's favorites, a somewhat tubby boy named Toby, obliged.

Ian has started napping with the children. They strip down to their undies and lay down for a nap several times a day, and Ian is able to catch some Zzzzs with them. However, they aren't always such good little sleepers. Ian's size & hairiness has proved alarming for children unfamiliar with him and he has startled a few kids trying to sleep. There is also the inevitable acrobatics instead of sleep, and already one who peed her pants... and then reached for Ian to pick her up. Ewww.

It's not just the kids who give Ian great stories. The head teacher of his class has really been a great supporter of Ian in the school, but her antics can make for ridiculous stories. She's a fan of the adult romper (for men- see picture), which is a tough look to pull off, especially for a plump middle-aged women crawling around on the floor with the kids. This week, she's been sick, which has made lunch a little less appetizing. Not exactly fussy themselves, the kids don't mind when she serves fish by picking it up with her hands before tearing it apart and throwing it in a bowl. Ian does. Ian's hungry.


Some stories, however, are heart-warming. Darius came over to Ian today and told him

"I love you so much Ian!"

Cue ovaries.

Jetzt, geht's, Los: Cologne

After a whirlwind trip through England & Wales, apartment searches & scams, Greg's visit, Copenhagen, Italy, we dreamed of a sleepy vacation on a sunny beach somewhere. That takes planning. That we didn't do.

Soooooooooooo...we're off on a totally different tangent renting a car, visiting Thomas in Cologne, traversing Belgium and France, and returning triumphantly to Berlin. I'm pretty sure it will be awesome. Or a disaster. Either way- fabulous!

Update: 

Made it to Cologne! Thomas leaves this month for his service in Mexico City. Unbelievable that he won't be just across the country anymore. Damn world travelers ;) Trip to Mexico City anybody?

1st trip to Cologne 2007

Ian & Thomas Weihnachtsmarkt 2010

We are trying to firm up plans for what the next week will bring. Vague ideas of Belgium breweries, Champagne from Champagne, and Colmar- city south of Strasbourg. Let's see what we can do...

UPDATE 2:

Thomas liked Mexico so much, he dated it!... or the lovely Ivonne form Mexico City anyways. He finally came back to Germany and visited us in Berlin where we searched for ingredients for a Mexican fiesta. He is currently back in Mexico on a long vacation, so we really have to work on a way to visit him over there.

Franc, Beloved Father/-in-Law & Wedding Planner, is Coming to Europe

Continuing our Bad Habits in Trip Planning- we are off to pick up Ian's dad tomorrow in Copenhagen!

Excited? YES!
Ready? No. yes. Maybe.

There really isn't a lot to get ready. We're just going to be gone for 2 days & the hotel is already taken care of. We have done our rambling travel reading about the city, picking out what beers & food we want to eat (you know, the important stuff). But life has been so hectic I don't even know if I have processed. We're seeing Greg. Tomorrow. Ahhhhh!

Copenhagen is going to be great. We are literally ecstatic to see Greg. His cousin visited with us just a few weeks ago, but he will be the first of the immediate family/friends to come over this time.

In his honor, some great Greg pics:

Greg impersonates Ian in some of his wares

In 2007, Greg visited for Christmas with Granny who is in her 80s . They were troopers, but Greg recalls this winter as the "coldest winter Berlin has ever seen".  It wasn't. But it was pretty cold.

Greg & Ian before the wedding

Greg & I at the wedding

You can see where Ian gets his humor

Last 4th of July - "Look at my cock" was frequently heard. From my FiL. Yeah- it was weird, but not entirely unexpected.

Welcome to Europe, once again, Mr. Porter!

Update: The trip was...a success. I think. You decide. 

 

The Men in My Life

Saturday was Herr Mann's birthday! I always stress about doing something he likes and making it as fun, unexpected, and untethered from the ordinary as possible. I'm lucky he is easy to please, but I want to do more than he could possibly imagine.

I surprised him with candies (yes he's a diabetic- don't judge me) and treats all week, including some "American Instant Hash Browns". They came with the flag on them and in a squeeze container where you just add water, shake, and squeeze into a hot pan. Sound gross, but -as expected- Ian is pretty excited about them.

On Friday, after Ian left for class, I leapt into action baking up a storm. I had been gleaning information about his school all week & somehow he hadn't noticed. I was going to break into his Kita & surprise him. I figured out the tram, made my way through the construction, found the school, remembered the door code and found his classroom. I was sweating as I tried to explain who I was, but was well rewarded by Ian's total shock at my appearance. He woke one of his favorites (Darius) up from his nap & I got to meet a bunch of the kids. So little! And Ian is amazing with them, picking them up and teasing them. I wish I had his ease around kids. Stay at home dad Ian?

A real Burrito!

We left the cookies for the kids and I took him to lunch at Dolores. A little bit of Mexican food makes Mr. Ian smile. Berlin was on it's best behavior as we wandered around Mitte, passing the Dom. We picked up some ice cream & enjoyed a beautiful Berlin.

Fernsehturm

Berliner Dom & Fernsehturm

Later that night, as the clock hit 12, I brought out my trump card. A friend & I had visited the Currywurst Museum last week & while it was overpriced for the tiny display, I found the gift among gifts. Ian eats at this mom & pop currywurst stand most days that he is at class. At the museum I found a personal currywurst fork & knife set, complete with toothpick. I had to have it, it was perfect. I presented it and Ian marveled at the German engineering, design, and sausage stabbing abilities. I can't wait to get a picture of him using it.

For his birthday, we decided to throw our version of Das Perfekte Dinner. A popular German TV show- I am completely addicted and iIt is one of the few things I really try to understand (gotta work on that). A couple of friends have tried their hand at it to great success, and we knew exactly what we wanted to do. MEXICAN.

Several epic shopping trips occurred and prep began the night before the party:

• Sangria marinating in fridge - check
• Popsicles freezing - check
• Cookies made & decorated - check
• Beans once fried - check

But on the day of, there was a lot left to do.We made:

• Spicy Salsa
• Guacamole
• Pico de Gallo
• Corn & Bean Salad
• Refried Beans (1st time from scratch!)
• Chile Rellenos
• Rum Sunrise Popsicles

Entree of Chile Relleno, refried beans, & corn/bean salad

Dinner Guests

Hardly authentic, but legitimately delicious.

The next morning it was as if locusts had descended with nary a nibble of food to be had. Proof it was good, right? And we were even left with some awesome presents from friends- not necessary, but much appreciated.

Birthday weekend continued onto a Sunday in which we pretty much only left TV watching in bed to make nachos. I think that was the most I've slept in years. As I am usually the one making Ian get-up, it was my final gift to him to let him have a lazy, sleep in day.

All in all- smashing success! Laughs were had, friends were fed & entertained, drinks were drunk, and loads of food were consumed. You've got 5 months Porter to get my Bday right. You better bring it.

(For more pictures of June happiness: Happy days are Here Again)

AND not to be forgotten - FATHERS DAY. Big Love to my Daddio, Dave Ball. The man with a "thinking problem" (buy it for 1 cent- what a bargain), master garden grower, equine enthusiast, craftsman extraordinaire, cat wrangler, excellent walking-down-the aisle-er, golden funny bone, Cupcake Tower making maniac, crazy grandpa, awesome Father-in-Law, bad dog supporter, old timey goldminer, cookie baker, superior camper, Leslie Nelson admirer, gourmet omelet maker, and the Best Dang Tuttin' Dad that ever lived. I know some of you may disagree, but I know the truth.

As we rounded the corner he asked "Are you ready?" "YES!"

I asked Dad to make something simple to display the cupcakes. He made a scale model of the Tower Bridge where Ian proposed. I love my Dad.

It was surprise reveal of the cupcakes. I was a mess

Dad & His Daughters

"Sie ist vom Pech verfolgt " or "Bad Luck Follow her Around"

Lucky Ian makes ebe angry!

It's always hard to complain to friends & family back home about how difficult it it living your dream as an expat. But it is difficult sometimes! Obtaining visas, apartment searches, scams can seriously suck. Lately, we have been dealing altogether too much with the icky stuff.

Everyone knows Ian is the lucky one. Usually I think since I've hitched my cart to his wagon I will be safe in his afterglow. But with all of our recent troubles it is unclear if he has lost his shine, or possibly my bad luck is just rubbing off.

Yesterday, a sign from above came to tell me- nope, you guys don't have bad luck (whew!). It's just you, ebe (damn it).

It has been a lovely spring and Monday was the nicest day so far at about 83 degrees F. We had a great day where we finally found some breathing room with a free book, great lunch, and we found an apartment
(we will write about that when we actually, for real, move into the place. Can't blame us for being nervous).

Hummus Plate: grilled meats, veg, & serious fries

Ian + free book

We decided to go swimming in nearby Weissensee. People lounging around the park, a fountain in the middle of the lake, boat rentals, happy dogs....Summer! All this positivity was dashed as I put my first foot in the lake. Something stabbed my foot. Startled, I sat down -plunk!- in the water as the many curious onlookers wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Ian was also looking at me.

Weissensee

"My foot!" I gasped. "Something stabbed it." Bringing it up for the inspection- yep, blood was gushing out fo a straight puncture into the bottom of my foot. Blood dripped into the suddenly disgusting-seeming lake water. As my foot throbbed, I asked Ian for guidance. German swimmers no longer cared that I had made a little scene and now just wanted me to move so they could get in. I hobbled over to the bank and sat with one damaged foot clenched to my stomach and the other dangling in the water. Ian looked at me helplessly, frozen by the awkwardness of the situation. "I don't know." he said. Stuck with a still bleeding foot and a struck-dumb husband I tried to play down the scene. "Just go swim." Thankful to be released, he frolicked into the cooling waters and I watched him swim around as my foot bled and ached.

When he had enough fun in the water world, Ian helped me limp to the blanket as people casually stared.

(I also saw later my ass had been scraped up when I abruptly sat down on the steps so another thing to feel awkward about).
Ian admitted that the swim had been great and I evily wished him Swimmer's ear. We eventually made the long walk back to the bus and all the way home. I opted for no medical care besides neosporin & a band-aid so we will be watching my jaw for signs of stiffness (just joking mum- I'm fine). Today we have to move our bags over to the new place which will be fun with my broke foot.

BUT I did make a positive assessment of our situation. Ian has not lost his luck, it's just me.

Mystery in the Berlin Bathroom

We are lucky to have this temporary apartment to call home in Weisensee. We have really grown to enjoy the area and the place is crazy funky. There is a boar's head that the guys grandfather shot. Awesome.

The bathroom's potential is maximized, but it is literally a closet that was re-done into a bathroom. Tight! And what we were really curious about- What's behind the shower?



Want more pics and stories of apartments in Berlin? Click the apartment label for full gory details of our many, many moves and read What Moving 6 times in a Year has Taught Me.

Berlin Ian - Professional Educator

Ian had a photo shoot at the kita a while back to have him put into the list of educators at his school. Thinking this was low-key, he showed up in his usual attire of jeans and a t-shirt (luckily this time not depicting any guns, nudity, or general violence). It was actually a professional shoot and this is his picture on the site:

Not bad! Made ole' ugo look not child-molestery. Just kidding. Ian really is a great teacher and he actually had the most returning students of any teacher last time he taught. He talks about them all the time and I feel like I've gotten to know them too. Especially little Alec.

Meet his other teacher's here, the rest of the "pebbles" group, and get inspired by Ian's quote:

"Learning is fun!"

For more dispatches from the kita: http://ianandebe.blogspot.de/search/label/kita

Ian tries to Speak British

Had a lovely time in Cambridge & have just arrived in London. Ian is having a grand time picking up the local accent.

Ian Porter Everybody!

BlogExpat Interviews

Writing city guides, expat articles, and moderating the forum is fun. Really. I can honestly say I really like my job. But...I saw an area of growth. More and more I am perusing expat articles and our plethora of expat blogs and am really impressed with the quality of writing and creativity I see out there. Damn peeps- y'all are good!

I had an idea. Not exactly an epiphany, but pretty exciting for me. How about we shine the spotlight on these fine expat writers & blogs and get some interviews on? Luckily, bossman agreed and gave me practically free reign to write up our format, recruit interviewee victims, and put their interviews up on our new partnersite:

 http://interviews.blogexpat.com/

The blurb

"The expat experience makes for a great story of adventure, drama and surprise. While each expat’s story is unique, we can all learn valuable lessons from each other’s experience.

BlogExpat interviews offers expats a standard format in which they can be as funny, informative, and/or honest as they want about life as an expat. Interviews with expats in the UK, Italy, Russia, Cuba, Holland, Turkey, the United States, Cambodia, and more offers a view into their amazing lives.

These stories serve as inspiration, advice, and entertainment for expats, travelers, and people who want to hear more about the world. We appreciate their expertise and look forward to sharing their experience with the world. Enjoy the interviews & best of luck in your own adventures as an expat."

Truthfully, it has been even more fun than I thought it would be. It gives me an excuse to spend hours pouring over people's incredible blogs and making contact with the writers. And one of the best things about it was Ian got to be our guinea pig and go first.

(Check out his interview here: interviews.blogexpat.com/from-seattle-to-berlin-back-to-berlin-and-beyond)

We also just published our second interview with a Londoner who made the move to Turkey with his partner: Perking the Pansies. He is an excellent writer with fabulous English humor.

I'm thrilled with the results and can't wait to keep finding great expat stories to promote and share. We already have a nice little line up through April. Hopefully my fellow expats & friends out there agree.

• City guides & articles: http://www.easyexpat.com/  
• Directory of blogs around the world : http://www.blogexpat.com 
• Twitter: http://twitter.com/BlogExpat 
• Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/blogexpat 
• Post your photos on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/groups/blogexpat/ 
• Participate to our forums on EasyExpat.com : http://www.easyexpat.com/forums/

HAIRCUT

St. Paddy's rolls around and Ian gets the urge to pull out the clippers. All that ruff & scruff that had been accumulating from last fall is shaved off in one fell swoop. Ok- not all of it. He may be going for another rat tail.

Ian- beauty shot

First locks hit the floor. Good work 6 euro clippers!

Masterpiece

I asked Ian if anyone at the school noticed. Being the perceptive 3-year-old's that they are, only a few asked if I had been to the Friseur.
"No, my Frau cut it."
"Oh. My momma cuts my hair."

Same difference.

David Sedaris Reading in Berlin

third row back

12 euro got us into a reading by Sedaris. Glorious. He started off talking to people in the lobby and signing books. We got the inscription:

Sick Bed

On Friday Ian started feeling sick AGAIN. Those are some dirty little kids he teaches as this is the third time since we've been here.

Some friends wanted to hang out that night, just a quiet little get together, not too late- which sounded perfect. After a few drinks....we went to a dance club and danced and danced till the wee morning hours. Then we randomly went back to our friends house. Which lies in the opposite direction from our house. And took shots. Emergency sleep over. BAD IDEA.

Our usual "sick day" routine

Saturday was a bad day. In misery we glared at one another on the couch demanding the other make something to eat. Sunday wasn't much better. Monday...was the worst. This was the sick day to end all sick days. Usually we would call out sick to eat a sandwich at a specialty place in Pioneer Square or because it was sunny (gasp!) in Seattle.

We woke up and slept until 2pm. Then we sat on the couch some more and watched: Piranhas, Simpsons, The Town, Jersey Shore, Amazing Race, Boardwalk Empire, Louie, GoodFellas, Real Housewives, and so many more gems. Obviously this was time well spent, but we needed to get better.

Today we finally felt well enough to venture out. I praise Indian food with giving me back my soul. Jogi tea, soup, lamb subji, and naan. Thank you Kashmir! A trip to the library and grocery to re-stock on supplies and we're home again. 

We really need to rest up. No, not for work (although that too, now that you mention it)! The next few nights are busy ones as we are going to see David Sedaris tomorrow, St. Paddy's celebrations with the Irish on Thursday, and Roller Derby on Friday. So, too bad about missing work, but now we have fun stuff to do. 

UPDATE: 

We really are alive, although from pics of our outing to the library you can see how happy Ian is about it. 

Beautiful Library with nonsense entrance covered in pebbles. Es macht kein Sinn!

Across from the library, lovely Soviet design.

Angry Ian doesn't like being out of bed.

We're gonna party likes it's Kindergarten

If you were to walk around Berlin, you would have no idea it's Fasching (Carnival, or Mardi Gras in American speak). However, all across the city tiny children are celebrating with copious amounts of sugar and horrible costumes. They may not celebrate Halloween, but dammit, they sure know how to sell a superman mask.

Ian's Morning class of 2-3 year olds.

I got a great idea for breakfast. Candy!

Toby: Where are my tools you ask? Darius and Alec raided the tool belt and are throwing them around the playpen.

John says "Thanks for the saw Toby". Note the dream catcher sewed to his costume. I have a dream...never to see a dream catcher again. You hear that German truck drivers?

Idi: Ian told me this little girl reminded him of me because of her unusual dress and "quick wits". You are a bad person Ian.















"Say cheese Julia! Oh Marlene- get out of the picture."

How I see the children- I am the all powerful IAN!

Alec and Darius enjoy the booty of Toby's tool belt. I would later help them bury the treasure in the sand box.

Darius "Ladies, care to step into my play pen?"

No Levi, I think it is great to use your hat like a wheelbarrow. Just watch out for the other children.

Toby says cheese! A three-year-old's idea of a smile

Now if you kids don't mind just cleaning up those mats I'd really appreciate it...








Ian teaches the fine art of the fist pump